If I'm Middle Aged, Do I Get to Live to 100?

One more month of 49 and then……(sigh) I’ll be 50.


I don’t know why I am stuck on this. It’s a landmark, a half century. I think I am bothered that I don’t have anything to show for it.


Let me share with you some things that may come in handy in your lifetime.

Don’t put food in the refrigerator with a metal eating or cooking utensil in it. I do not know why, my Mother said don’t do it, so I don’t do it.


Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Rogers.


To say someone is “cussin’ up a blue streak”, means that they are spewing profanities so fast that they are putting a jet stream into the atmosphere.


If you should burn, cut yourself or have lice, use tea tree oil.


No other crayon besides Crayola has any serious value as a crayon. We Southerners calls ‘em “colors”.


If you hear a noise that sounds like gunshots, look at the clock and see what time it is. The police will need to know later. I once saw a tv crime show where the murdered person pulled the plug from the clock out of the wall right before they died, therefore establishing the time of death for the detectives. Well, when is the last time anyone used an electric analog clock? It’s asking a lot of a dying person to get the clock off the wall, pull the battery out, then expire. They should use that time to dial 911.


For gosh sakes, take care of your teeth, by gum. Dentures are not the dream answer you suppose them to be.


Dogs have owners, cats have staff. It’s true. Any cat lover will attest to this. Without shame.


Three things you never discuss with a mental patient: religion, politics or sex. Actually, that’s a good outline to follow with most people you meet.



Now, a few things I should like to see happen while I’m still rattling around.


Let gay people have their happiness. Legalize gay marriage. You’re lucky to find love, what’s the difference if it with one’s own gender? I’ve heard “It’s against the Bible!” The biggest rules are outlined and carved in stone. It’s called the Ten Commandments. People break those every day. Self avowed Christians take the Lord’s Name in vain, without the bat of an eye. Not all, but some. I do. I get angry, cuss a blue streak and “GD” pops out. I always whisper, “sorry, God,” in case he heard. If we can break those commandments willy nilly on a daily basis, why are we holding so tightly onto that one ideal? I left the church I was baptized in due to their constant badgering of gays, (among other overwhelming theologies). I really miss the music; it is Southern Gospel at its finest. N E WAY…..I think you should have the right to marry who you love, and you have no control who you fall in love with. This often leads to the breaking of commandment #7. Nobody’s perfect, we are all sinners, and we are forgiven. Everyone.


Bring the troops home. It’s been almost ten years. Let’s pick up our toys and go home. Too many young Americans dying.


Legalize Marijuana. Criminalize bullying. Eradicate intolerance. Abolish racism. Stop cancer.


Bring Shoney’s back to the Desoto County area. Slow down with the technological advances, we have enough gadgetry. If you loved the movie, the book is worth reading. Be excellent to one another. And…..Party On Dudes.